Winds of Change

If you've been dropping by here periodically you know that I have been looking for a full-time or career job for over 3 years now, and in that time I have worked several part-time jobs. Retail being the one usually tacked on at places like Kohl's, Running Central, & White House Black Market and more recently as the evening/weekend scale operator at a grain elevator. All the while my main job was as a church secretary (also only part-time).

The position as a church secretary has been my safety net for 3 years now, the job that I kept while looking for another full-time position. I've learned so much about the seedy-underbelly inner-workers of a church. I have enjoyed working in ministry and the flexibility and freedom this position allowed me to have, especially right after I got married and with my husband being a cop and having his days off during the week!! However, the time has come for me to move on.

I have felt a deep, urgent pressing on my heart lately. I spent a lot of time in prayer, reading scripture and just being alone with the Lord in seeking His guidance and wisdom. And I truly feel the time has come to leave this position without another job already lined up. (Buh-bye safety net).

There is always more to the story but honestly I deep down feel that God is leading me out of this position here at this time. So, tomorrow, October 31, 2013 will be my last day.

I am surrendering to the Lord and His direction and timing in this circumstance (I try all the time to do this but I fail majority of the time, I just can't let the need to control go usually).

I've been extremely blessed to have had this job and the chance to really dig-in and grow in my faith at a job that encouraged me to seek after God. I would not be where I am now with out it. The Lord has something coming and I must be ready to receive it and serve Him in it.

11"For I know that plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and pray to me and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." ~ Jeremiah 29:11-13 (NIV)

Man Up or Shut Up

I'm beyond excited and happy for my friend, Kayla and her husband who welcomed their first baby in September, Wesley Collins M.

But this has brought up the conversation of starting a family with my own husband. Especially, since his really good friend and his wife are also expecting their first son later this fall. (Seriously, Baby-apocalypse!)

I get that this is just the stage of life we are in and we've had the "when" talk and both agree we can wait a while longer. After seeing my sister's go through pregnancy, labor, delivery, and coming home, I'm good to hold off for a while yet. (I ain't going in blind to pregnancy, delivery or home care).

However, through talking with Jon and hearing other men talk about babies. I have only found a limited amount that seem to be really pumped about being first-time dads or looking forward to it or were the one pushing more for starting their families.

Which got me to thinking: Why are men taught to dread fatherhood?

Pop cultural seems to give becoming a father a negative view. Now, I know they usually show the guy freaking out about it (which I would be worried if you weren't, I've hit the panic button on even thinking about starting myself) but also that having a baby ruins your life. And usually at the end of a movie its about how much they have changed their view of fatherhood in 30 seconds.

Why not show a man who looks forward to starting a family with his wife? Not one where the wife pushes and nags him into it but a guy who truly understands the precious gift that the couple is giving to each other?

Is it considered unmanly to want to have children? Or a trap? Is it wrong of me to want my husband to be excited about having children someday? (I mean its not like he's gotta do the whole carrying, baking, and birthing bit).

Or is it just the responsibility of caring and providing for another human that is yours for keeps? And needing to be completing unselfish?

Being A Grown-Up Stinks!

As a kid you have an idealized version of how being an adult is, little do you realize that it is not how it really is! It's more than getting to stay up late, eating whatever you want, buying whatever you want or going wherever you want.

Being a grown up means paying bills, worrying about the roof leaking, budgeting, make sure your doing everything to prevent illness, finding a decent job, making hard life choices, etc.

It really stinks!

I've had a more idealized version of adulthood from one perspective: I've only worked part-time jobs while looking for a career/full-time because Jon has a semi-decent job.

On the flip side: I've not been able to find a full-time job. I'm either over-qualified, under-qualified or not qualified at all for positions! I've canvased applying and I've been picky! And still nothing after 3 and half years! No full time job, no career path to follow and feeling stuck in random part-time never-ending-land.

I know 3 years of waiting is a drop in the bucket to the 20+ years Abraham and Sarah waited for Isaac to come. *(Lord, please give me strength if Your plan is for me to wait that long! I won't make it without You!)

Jon and I have a lot of decisions to make in the near future that does not include a family! We are still a way's off from that path. I'm feeling the urgency (God's calling?) to make some major changes and wreck my cushy, comfortable, stable, never-changing life.

Pray for me during this time; that I would seek God's wisdom and strength in making decisions that will hopefully glorify Him more!

Busy!

Warning: I will be extremely terrible about posting for awhile! (Not that I've ever been the greatest at regular postings). But now I have a legit reason!

I am working 2 part-time jobs this fall! YAY! Not so much!

I'm still working at the church 3 days a week and another 3 afternoon/evenings a week. The other is as a scale operator at the grain elevator my sister, Teresa has worked out for over 15 years! They need an extra set of hands to help ease up the burden on the office "girls," Teresa and Suzie.

I work there Thursday evenings for about 3-4 hours after putting in 8 hours at the church and then Friday afternoon/evening and Saturday's. Saturday's are crazy; my day starts by waking up at 5:00a to get ready, 6:30a - leader's meeting for BSF (I love this time though), pick Hattie up from my sister (my other job), Maggie's work place @ 9:00a; after Hattie's morning nap and lunch we had out to the elevator the goal is to be there by 1:00p; then Teresa takes Hattie to her house leaving me to operate the scales into the evening.

Pray for me! Hoping that we have good weather so harvest can be over quickly with a bumper crop and happy farmers!