Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Musings from a Poor Newlywed...

Okay, so I guess, technically we are passed that "Newlywed" phase. However, I have declared that we are newlyweds until we have baby. Sweet! My brother's best friend, Greg and his wife, Jay-Jay, loved this because they have been married a long time, have no children and plan on keeping it that way, so they will always be newlyweds/honeymooner's!

Back to the musings, in case anyone is wondering, I was job searching this winter and stopped because I was discouraged because I was not hearing back from any of the positions I had applied for. Well, I have started the hunt once again; feeling a little burnt out and taken advantage of in my current position. Yes, burn out and being taken advantage of happens in the church! Shocker, but remember Christians are humans too! And its mostly in my head and me being overly sensitive sometimes.

My main motivation for this surge in sending resumes again; is also due in part because I am a selfish human who wants material goods! Jon and I make it and are very blessed by the life we have but its that human nature sneaks in and makes me doubt. And Stalkerbook has had me feeling left behind by my peers; in this area. Many of them have careers in their degree; are from weathly, small families; so I have been feeling the little, green jealous monster on my back.  Now, I am not proud of these feelings or misjudgements. Which they probably are!

My reasons for these feelings is that my dream at this time would be to work 1 full-time job and alas this dream is alluding me! I do not know why, apparently I must not be good on paper. PLEASE someone give me a chance! I would kill to make double what I make a year now; not even to have material things but to have an awesome safety net so that unexpected bills don't set us back and to start a retirement fund, or even college funds for future chidlren! To have paid vacations, to be able to take an actual vacation without worrying that it will set us back a month; etc.

I know I frustrate Jon with my worries; he doesn't seem to worry as much as he used too which is nice. And he always needs to remind me that we are fine and we are, and I am grateful that we have a place to live, food to get and clothes on our backs. There are so many out there without even that!

So, I get so frustrated when it seems that my peers have all of these things right now. But my friend, Kayla reminded me a few weeks ago when we were talking, that though they have all of these things they can't actual afford them. A little light went off in my head; what I do without now for things I need will benefit us in the future. My little Oprah, "AHA! Moment!"

These peers are probably running themselves into consumer debt trying to "Keep Up with the Karadashians/Jones!" (By the way, I am boycotting the Karadashian shows because they are millionaires and do not need my money or time as it is. Why don't you but $600 towards charity instead of your shoes, Kim? Again, I am bitter but you never hear about them ever giving to charities.)

I am proud to say that, although TjMaxx, Old Navy, and Target price tags scare me right now (oh sad is that. This is how much I worry about our finanical future), I am not running me or my husband into debt! We pay our bills in full every month and are trying to find ways to cut back on things. We don't eat out as much as we used too, I do a lot of window shopping/daydreaming, and we take care our needs rather than our wants. I work 2 part-time jobs (though I am never scheduled at one anymore, agh!) and I still do not even make half of what my husband does! I am so beyond grateful for him, I can't even begin to describe it!

I would love a full-time job not only for how it could relax my fears of finanical ruin but also that if anything happened Jon, I would not need to depend on our families for finanical support!

Guess this has turned into more of a rant than a musing! Oops! But don't you feel the same way?

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